


Nothing to do but...

by BarPurple



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Gen, I Blame Tumblr, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 19:18:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8069572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarPurple/pseuds/BarPurple
Summary: Rumple and Regina indulge in a little chill time after defeating the monster of the moment.





	

**Author's Note:**

> based on this gifset on Tumblr  
> http://barpurplewrites.tumblr.com/post/150587304915/scotsaddict-deariedoo-emospritelet

Rumple limped over to the bench where Regina was sat. His ankle was agony, the magic he usually used to keep the pain away had been rechannelled into dealing with the, now what had Henry called it? Ah yes the Swamp Thing. He hooked his cane over the back of the bench and eased himself onto the seat. Regina blew out a long sigh that turned into a grimace as she flicked some of the creatures ooze from her skirt. Rumple took a little comfort in the fact that his former student was feeling to worn out to magic the mess away, her weariness made him feel a little less old.

“That was disgusting.”

“Aye, that it were.”

Regina arched an eyebrow at how thick his accent had become, but Rumple didn’t care. If his ankle wasn’t screaming blue murder he’d be aching in every joint. 

“Back in the day, you had a soother for times like these.”

There was a hint of hope in Regina’s tone that made Rumple smirk.

“And do you remember my dear student that I always said it was only to be used if you had no pressing appointments the next day. Don’t you have a town to run?”

Regina flicked a hand at him; “Sod ‘em. Storybrooke can survive a day without their Mayor.”

Had he been on top form Rumple might have made a scathing comment along the lines that Storybrooke would be happier without Madam Mayor full stop, but quips like that took more thought than he had to spare at the moment. A spark of responsibility did make him ask; “Where’s young Henry staying tonight?”

“At the loft.”

Rumple nodded and reached into his jacket pocket, Regenia eyed the pouch of tobacco he pulled out with scepticism.

“Ordinary baccie, Rumple?”

He gave a chuckle and fished around in the fragrant brown shreds for a small baggie, which he presented to Regina with a flourish.

“The baccie is just the base, that green beauty is the real magic.”

She popped the baggie open and gave it a cautious sniff.

“Rumplestiltskin! This is weed!”

“Of course it is. Did you honestly think I’d be carrying a supply of Frontland’s Floatweed in my pocket?”

“Well, no, but how long have you been smoking this stuff?”

Rumple’s fingers were busy sprinkling tobacco into the paper once that was done he waggled his fingers at Regina and took a generous pinch of weed from the baggie she held out to him.

“Erm, since it was legalized for medical use in ’99,” He glanced up at her with a grin, “You can’t have me arrested for possession, dearie, I have a prescription and everything.”

She snorted at him; it hadn’t even crossed her mind that Rumple would let himself get caught out over such a minor thing. Apparently the years of smoking hadn’t done anything to dull his wits, so he was obviously careful with it, and he could roll up like a demon. He gave the finished joint a critical once over and shrugged.

“Not my best work, but needs must.”

Regina rolled her eyes when she realized that he was patting his pockets for a lighter. She snapped her fingers and produced a small flame at the end of her thumb.

“Ah, thank you kindly.”

Rumple leaned forward and lit the joint, taking a massive inhale as he did so.

“You used to prefer a pipe.”

He handed her the joint and blew out a slow plume of purple tinted smoke.

“It’s your fault I smoke rollies, dearie, or at least it’s your fault Mister Gold smokes rollies. I always assumed you’d inflicted that on me as part of the whole cheapskate persona.”

Regina had been trying to take a smooth draw on the joint, but she was far too long out of the habit of smoking, she spluttered and coughed so badly Rumple clapped her firmly on the back as he saved the joint from her trembling fingers.

“Easy there. This your first time on weed?”

It took Regina a moment to be able to answer; “I didn’t think this sort of thing went on in town.”

Smoke drifted from Rumple’s nose as he chuckled at her naivety.

“Clearly you’ve never taken a midnight stroll by the cannery. Oh don’t get all huffy, it’s nothing nasty, just a bit seedy, every town needs a bit of that.”

They sat in silence for a while passing the joint between them. After a few tokes the knack of smoking without choking came back to Regina. She was feeling a pleasant buzz as Rumple took the last drag and flicked the butt away. He cocked a sluggish eyebrow at her as he waved his baccie pouch. It took her a moment to realise he was offering to roll another.

“Yeah, why not. We earned it with that swampy thingy.”

His rolling skills were a bit slower this time, he too was feeling the effects of the weed, he really must remember to thank Jefferson for finding this blend for him. Regina was humming a little tune which he swayed along to until he worked out the song.

“Oh hell nay. Ye arene gonna get a single toke if ye start singin’ that feckin song!”

Regina frowned as she tried to make sense of his words, really it was unbelievable that anyone had ever understood the Dark One in the early days.

“You don’t like Johnny Cash?”

Rumple gave a derisive sniff as he licked the paper.

“I like him well enough, just not that song.”

“What’s wrong with ‘A Boy Named Sue’?”

Rumple lit this joint with a small fireball of his own, all the while giving her a disbelieving glare. She had to wait until he blew out his first drag before he gave her an answer.

“You honestly don’t know do you?”

At least his accent was intelligible again, the shake of her head made him throw back his head and laugh.

“For twenty eight years I thought you’d done it on purpose.”

The blank look she was giving him probably couldn’t be blamed entirely on the weed. Rumple laughed again.

“First names are traditional in this realm. Mister doesn’t quite do the trick.”

A glimmer of realization was shining in Regina’s eyes now.

“You are kidding me! Mister Su…”

Buzzing as he was Rumple still managed to silence her with a stern look.

“No one, I mean no one has ever spoken that name, dearie. Don’t be the first,” there was a large dose of imp in his twittering laugh, the odd tint of his shades even made his eyes look a touch reptilian, “Magic is back now and names have power, who knows what nasty little hexes I put on the speaking of that joke.”

Regina decided that it wasn’t worth testing that threat; she’d had enough of slime today. She took another toke and passed the joint back to him.

“I had no idea.”

She might not be daft enough to speak it, but the thought of it made her giggle and once she’d started she couldn’t stop. Rumple nudged her with his elbow once or twice and that was hysterical as well. It didn’t take long before he was giggling too. It was only the sight of Charming in the cruiser rolling by that made them try to get their giggles under control. Charming still gave them a very funny look as he drove by. They both craned forward and watched the car round the corner and vanish from sight. Rumple coughed out a pale cloud of smoke, which made Regina burst into giggles again.

“Stop it. Stop it. Think about how this looks.”

Rumple made a show of getting his face under control, but that assumed serious look just set Regina off into howls of laughter. Rumple batted at her arm like a drunken cat.

“We got to stop. Charming’ll be calling for hero back up, he’ll think we’re plotting something dark.”

That sort of sobered Regina, but her mind wandered quickly from heroic suspicion to something more pressing.

“I’m hungry. Are you hungry?”

“Oh aye. Sweet or savoury.”

Rumple shot his cuffs and poised his hands ready to conjure. Regina huffed at him.

“Like I’m going to trust anything you magic up in this state.”

“Well, I’m nay walking into Granny’s in this state.”

“Good point. Sweet.”

Rumple clicked his fingers and once the smoke cleared he was holding two foil wrapped burritos. He cocked his head at them as he worked out which was Regina’s and then handed her one with a flourish.

“Apple ice-cream for you and chilli beef for me. Bon Appetite.”

Any other time Regina would have been embarrassed by the sinful sounds of enjoyment she made as she tucked into the sugary treat, but they seemed perfectly reasonable for the moment, and she wasn’t half as bad as Rumple who sounded even more X-rated as he sated his munchies. A cloud of smoke caught her attention. Regina twisted on the bench and boggled at Rumple who multi-tasking like a pro as he ate his burrito and smoked the last of the joint. He caught her stare and hurriedly swallowed.

“Dinnae worry I’ll roll another in a mo.”


End file.
